Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Lexical Detritus...

This morning when I got to the office, I had an email waiting in my inbox from Aaron, a.k.a. MeatlessMaineCrow Follower Number (#) One (1).  He liked my first two posts, and he had the following suggestion, which I've reprinted below without his permission:

Dave, one thing that I really like about reading blogs is how they link to other stuff on the web.  Like other blogs, or Wikipedia articles, or videos, or whatever.  It just makes the experience better for some reason.  Did you know that there's not a single link in your post?

     What a great idea, I thought to myself, as I shoveled an over sized spoonful of Crème brûlée steel-cut oatmeal into my mouth.  I should start scattering fun and useful links to far and wide places on the web throughout all of my posts, in the future.

And Aaron was right... I had not included a single link to anything else, within my first two posts.  This needed to be changed immediately.

So I revisited my second post, and I strategically slipped in a link within the caption under the last picture.  See if you can find it... mkoay?  Anyways, I was so proud of my work that I had to show somebody.  After helping one of our members figure out how many Visa cards he had with us, I strolled over to Abby's cubicle.

     "Under my second post," I said.  "I added a link.  Check out the last picture."

Abby opened up my blog from her list of 'Favorites', scrolled down to the bottom, and clicked on the link I'd added.  We watched in silence as Miss Teen South Carolina described in detail why U.S. Americans are not very good at reading maps of The Iraq and whatnot such as.  I've watched that clip hundreds of times, and each time is better than the last.

     "Whatdya think?" I asked.

     "You know, Dave," she said.  "If you want this blog to take off, you're going to need to update every day."

I paused for a moment, and then I returned to my cubicle.  Update every day... , I thought to myself, as I peeled my orange.  Would I ever want to do that?  Of course, I knew that Abby was just being a smart ass.  But what she said was worth some serious consideration.

Once I get the hang of this, I would like to be able to come up with a thoughtful post once or twice a week.  But putting pressure on myself to update every day isn't going to happen.  I'm a firm believer in quality over quantity.  I've have read many other blogs that are updated on a daily basis, and a few of them can pull it off quite well.  These blogs are typically written by well-established authors or writers, who's craft in the English language has become their livelihood.

However, many of the other blogs that I've read, which are updated ad nauseam, are created by simple, complex street folk... like you and me.  Unfortunately, most of them end up sounding like this...


like, omg it was such a greast day this monring, and I, like, had my yoga class, and well I had a hard time getting rolling out of the bed because like I was soooooooooooooo tired, SLEEPY ME LOL, and it was SOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOLD out and all i wanted was my hot T cause i don't make coffee before yoga LOL cuase our
OMG the kitty wants to eat LOL
teacher said so and I said WHAT!?  no coffee before YOGA!?  NO...  WAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAY but anyways i just wanted my t and the cats wanted food and they were like, meowing, and i was like OMG, you act like i never feed u.  but once i got to yoga i did a shoulderstand for like 30 seconds or whatever, and my yoga sensei said GOOD JOB DAVE!  an i said namaste, lol.  and then i drove to the cafe
OMG my supervisor said that
i like, need to totly start thinking
outside the box if i want to clime
the copperate latter LOL
and got sum coffee cause, like, the Keurig makes totly suky coffee and looks all gross OMG an i got to work and changed into work cloths cause like, my supervisr totally woodjn't go for me waring my yoga moo moo all day even thtouth that would be like ttly hilarious LOL.  So anyhoo i ate my yummy oatmeal and it was so
ooooooooooooooooooo good mmm and i forgot to thake a picture of it 2 show u but i totally took a picture of the brown
omg blurry brown sugar LOL
sugera that i didn't eat cause it like makes me fat it goes to my hoisp.  nothing happend till like lunch an then i recooked my lunch in the microwave, i guess i ZAPPED IT lol and it was soooooooooo yummy there's red beans n yummy red ridotto in there and i ate it up, and the beans like made me all gassy n bloated but i didn't tell anyone lol.  SHHHHHHHHH...  lol...  it's OUR SECRET lol...  my gassy bean gas is OUR SECRET lol between me an you

OMG red beans an risotto
make me so gassy LOL!
my loyal follwoers.  so then, i took some phone calls and stuff cause i, like, work here and some guy called and said he lost his debit card and i said DUDE wutEVER
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ya shoulda been more careFULLLLLLL, ya  know?  but i'll like, getcha a new one cause it's like, my job 'n stuff.  an he like, totally wanted his 4-digit PIN to be 1234,

OMG what if like Sarah Palin
and Michael Myers had kids,
and i said no, cause that's like TOTALLY not secure omg and he sed i threw out my back and i said TMI...  WTF...  so, it's like almost 4:30 and i gotsta go and stuff dinner is calling me lol and im like totally siked to be alive, ya know?  Peace OUT!!!



After considering the above puddle of diarrhea, you can see why I'm hesitant to post something new every single day.  I'm not interested in filling up a blog with a collection of grammatically abhorrent Facebook entries.  If I had the urge to update everybody on everything I'm doing during every moment of the day, I'd get a Facebook account.  If I felt the need to amass a collection of hundreds of fake friends that I've never seen outside of my laptop, I'd get a Facebook account.  If I had an infant in the home and felt compelled to discuss
the size of his bedtime junk, I'd get a Facebook account.

As you've probably gathered by now, I haven't added Facebook to my gigantic Wall of Friends.  I'm not a big fan.  I'm sure there are many out there who don't share my perspective, and there's really nothing wrong with that.  You'll just have to get used to the fact that you'll never know the list of 109 Aspects Regarding My Cat's Liver That Make It Great.

I've opted for a blog because I enjoy writing, and I enjoy the English language.  I think that a blog will be a great way for me to share some of my thoughts, stories, pictures, recipes, and nonsense, now and then... without feeling pressured.  With that in mind, I'll probably add a new post when I actually have something thoughtful, useful, crazy, or ridiculous to say.  If that turns out to be once a week... Great!  As I get the hang of this and become more proficient at turning out high quality writing on short notice, I'm hopeful that I'll be able to post three to four times a week.

Until then... You'll just have to settle for my nonsense once or twice a week.


  1. Why is there a giant pink "S" on your desk?

  2. When I returned to work after running the marathon in October, my co-workers had taped 'CONGRATULATIONS' in big, obnoxious, colorful letters above my cubicle. The letters fell down one-by-one over the period of several months. Soon, all that was left was the giant, pink 'S'.

    What a foolish question, AFKAS...

  3. Oh, I should have *totally* guessed that. Duh.

  4. Ha ha, love the mock blog quotes. :-) Yes, I agree there is too much drivel on the net in blogs which is why I try to thematically set mine apart. You have a good voice and amusing style. Fun reads.

  5. Hey Doppelganger. Thanks for checkin' it out... and for your feedback.

    Yeah, I spent a lot of time wrestling with the 'theme' question. Aside from the food part, I think I've left it fairly open-ended, for now. I think the topics of my individual entries may vary... but I do want to continue to present the amusing aspects of my everyday experiences... both at work and at home.