Thursday, March 10, 2011

Charlie Sheen to Run For President in 2012...


Charlie Sheen for President?  Duh.

Embattled actor Charlie Sheen has thrown his hat into the political ring, announcing that he intends to run for President in 2012.

Speaking from a Lazy-Boy couch at a Los Angleles police station, where he was brought in for drug charges, Sheen revealed his distaste for Washington politics, vowing to do all he can to clean up our nation's dysfunctional government.

     "After being fired from 'Two and a Half Men', I realized that I must have a higher calling in waiting," said Sheen, as he was being fingerprinted by officials.  "What better way to turn my life around than to take my talents and charisma to the Oval Office, and focus my efforts on cleaning up the gridlock and finger-pointing that's plagued our government for the past ten years."

When asked whether or not disgruntled voters all across the nation would actually take him seriously, Sheen was confident in his chances. 

Beiber, shown here just three
days after suffering through the
unfortunate 'lawnmower incident'.
     "Not only does America love an underdog, they also love second chances," said Sheen.  "Besides, if there are people out there who would actually cast a vote for Sarah Palin, don't you think I'd be foolish not to run?  You betcha!"

When asked why he had been hauled into custody, Sheen replied, "Drugs."

As far as a possible running mate, Sheen mentioned Justin Bieber as his first choice.

     "I like his charisma and his attitude.  Plus, he's, like...  hot.  Totally.  And he's got 20 months for his hair to grow back, after that horrible accident."

The timing of the 2012 campaign is also in Bieber's favor, as he'd be old enough to vote for team Sheen/Bieber by the time the election rolled around.

When contacted by phone, Bieber indicated that he'd use the extra time to apply for dual citizenship and have sixty-seven notarized copies of his birth certificate available for FOX News, when they eventually come calling.

Sheen didn't have any further comment on the matter, as he was busy hooking up with a former 'Dancing With The Stars' contestant, who had just been booked for assaulting her high school principal.

In other news, East L.A. Police were called to the scene of a...


Just kidding...

None of the above is true.  I made it all up.

Charlie Sheen is not running for President.  And while Justin Bieber did have the run-in with the lawnmower, he's not going to be the Vice President.

Sorry to disappoint.

Since this blog is just over 2 months old and has a relatively small number of readers, I wanted to conduct a little experiment in...  Internet Search Behavior.

If Justin Bieber isn't the flavor of the month, then it's only because he's currently taking a close second to Charlie Sheen.  I'm not the least bit interested in what Bieber and Sheen are doing at this exact minute, but many others are, for some reason.  With that in mind, I wanted to see how many hits I can get on my blog from people who have done an Internet search that includes 'Charlie Sheen' and/or 'Justin Bieber'.

I really don't know what to expect.  Maybe I'll get a bunch.  Maybe I won't get any at all.  But in a week or so, I'll report my findings here, in another entry.

So, if you're one of my few regular readers, and you visited the blog because you already know the address, then you're off the hook.

But...  if you searched for "Charlie Sheen" or "Justin Bieber", found my blog in the results, and decided to pay a visit, then I'll know.

Thank you for participating in my social experiment.

Yeah, that was a dirty trick.  Sorry...

"Winning. Duh."
"Duh. Winning."


  1. Uhm, I believe my George Clooney post is totally what inspired this. Ahem. Credit where credit's due, bub! ;-)

  2. Ahem. Is that like... a hem on a dress, or something like that?

    I'm sorry, I don't wear dresses...

    Doppelganger, I swear... I had the idea for this last week. I was all set to go with the fake news story. And then I saw your post a few days ago...

    But I had to go through with it anyway. Slightly differently executed.

    Now, where I will give you unlimited credit is for the pictures. I hadn't originally intended to scatter multiple Charlie Sheen pictures all over this post. But after attempting to read your post while being leered at by multiple George Clooneys in suggestive, almost-naked poses, I realized how creepy and effective it was.

    Fellow readers, please check out Doppelganger's 'George Clooney' post over at her blog... ... to see what I'm referring to...

    "Bub?" ... HA!!! ;-D

  3. Here's that link again, without all the drama...

  4. Heh, heh. Well, yes, you do take a different aim, actually writing on the subject! I'm collecting stats but I have wanted my most recent story to take centre stage for more critical reasons.

    I thought I was reading "The Onion" here for a minute. :-)

  5. The Onion... I'll take that as a compliment. :-)